There To Stop Me If I Go Wrong
by printfogey
Summary: A talk between Hijikata and Katsura where the topic of Gintoki comes up. Set towards the end of the Farewell Shinsengumi arc. Spoilery.


AUTHOR'S NOTES: This fic was initially written for Ginzura week 2019 for the prompt "Promise".  
But while the bond between Gintoki and Katsura is the main focus (through interaction between Katsura and Hijikata), it turned out to be one of those cases where the bond can just as well be read platonically.

Comments very welcome, including constructive criticism!

Disclaimer: The characters are owned by Hideaki Sorachi and are used here without permission for entertainment purposes only.  
This fic is not to be used for profit in any way and should not be uploaded elsewhere without the writer's approval.

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Hijikata paid his fee at the entrance and walked further inside. The bath house hadn't changed since he last visited it: it was still a run-down mix of traditional baths and more modern-style types of bathing and relaxation. The building itself reflected the mixture, with an old core surrounded by newer wings. It wouldn't attract either traditional purists or the modern trendies, only ordinary folks in the neighbourhood, wanting a little of both for a cheap fee and without needing to go too far for fancier fare.

He also knew the bath as a place of reputed Jôishishi activity, whose owner might not be an open sympathizer but one who didn't inform on his customers, either. But that hadn't mattered too much to him as a patron in the past, since he would be in a default, lowkey state of watchfulness anyway. Even in fancier baths or more quiet neighbourhoods you had to be prepared for the unexpected.

And now… Well, now, he supposed it was all to the better. He let out a wry chuckle in the dressing room. Enemies had turned allies, and the government he used to serve was now his bitter enemy.

But it was strange, still, how easily he had got used to being a wanted man. True, Nobunobu did not yet have the resources for a massive hunt: also true that Hijikata was well-placed to know both how the pursuers and the pursued ones were thinking. It had still surprised him, though. He had been more lost and rudderless those few days when he'd worked for Kozenigata than he felt now, even though he would be leaving Edo tomorrow morning.

He finished undressing and went off to wash himself, hair and body, extra meticulously this time, then entered one of the hot baths, currently not occupied by anyone else. Ahh, that hit the spot… He lit a cigarette, drew in smoke deeply, and let himself unwind, bit by bit.

"The Vice Chief is fearless as usual," said a familiar voice to his left, and Hijikata stiffened for a moment by reflex, before consciously making himself relax again.

Katsura was standing next to the hot water bath, towel across his hips, smiling serenely. It was an oddly incongruous view: all the more odd because if there was one man in Edo that Hijikata should be used to see in incongruous moments, it was this one. Especially _now_. "Even to the point of smoking in the bath," he continued, "although you could get thrown out and banned if someone makes a complaint."

Hijikata shrugged. "Eh, I've been here before. Old-fashioned place. Nobody cares." He stretched out his legs, adding, "'Sides, wouldn't matter all that much right now. By the time we get back, they'll have forgotten all about it." Then he glanced up at Katsura, thumbing towards the bandage around his stomach that was just visible above the edge of his towel. "Oi. You're not going to bathe like that, are you?"

Katsura crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. "It's nearly healed up now, but no. It could still be dangerous. And it would also be rude to other bathers."

"Gee, thanks." He had already stopped looking at the wound. Kondo had told him how that had come about: Hijikata still wasn't sure how to feel about it. "Why are you here, then?"

"The sauna. I've taken a liking to it." Katsura nodded to him and started to walk towards the farther end of the room, where Hijikata knew the entrance to the sauna was.

If this had been back in the old days, it wouldn't have surprised Hijikata too much if Katsura had turned out to carry a bomb on his person, even though there shouldn't be anywhere to hide it. Man was tricky.

He stayed in the hot bath for a few minutes, but had a hard time relaxing, head spinning with thoughts. Finally, as a group of loud youngsters entered the bath, Hijikata got up and headed to the sauna, too.

Katsura was sitting in one corner on the top bench with a wet cloth over his face and hands clasped together over his bandaged stomach. At the other side of the room were two shaggy Amanto with horsey heads, one elderly and one middle-aged - father and son, perhaps. Hijikata sat down in the middle, the steam rising up the thickest right where he was, putting his spare towel on his head.

Katsura didn't look up, but after a minute or so, he murmured, "So you're leaving tomorrow, then."

Hijikata drew a hand through his hair, exhaling. "That's how it's looking." He breathed in the steamy air, feeling sweat starting to pool on his temples and shoulders.

"Hn."

They sat in silence for another long moment, but then the older of the two Amanto leaned forward and whispered to the younger, and the two of them left the sauna. After the door had shut close, Katsura continued:

"Not a day too soon, either. Nobunobu has sent for Amanto mercenaries which are expected to arrive any day now." He removed the cloth from his head, and drew a hand through his hair. "Actually," he mused, contempt audible in his voice, "I'm surprised he hadn't done that before, considering the quality of his decisions so far."

"Maybe it was a question of funds…" offered Hijikata, though he didn't truly believe it. The current shogun seemed like a man who would do anything to throw his power around and punish those who hurt his pride, budget constraints be damned. "Come to think of it, didn't the Hitotsubashi faction used to go on about making Japan stronger so it wouldn't have to rely on the Amanto so much? Except that didn't stop them from getting into bed with the Tendoshu." He scoffed, getting out a new cigarette and lighting it gloomily, only to start coughing and having to extinguish it right away. Dammit.

"Exactly," said Katsura, a disagreeable twist to his mouth. "But it's just like the Tendoshu, who are supposedly keepers of order, yet now I hear they've allied themselves with the Harusame Pirates." He leaned forward with his hands on his knees, looking at nothing, tenser now than a moment ago. "Or like a Jôishishi faction that allies itself with both of those."

"Or like us," said Hijikata, because it had to be said.

Katsura snorted. "Hah! Yes. No. Not quite." He looked a little more cheerful for a moment, then leaned backward again, rubbing his forehead. Slightly less tense.

Glancing at him, Hijikata couldn't stop his mind from presenting half a dozen different ways he could try to incapacitate him in this unarmed and (apparently) vulnerable state, regardless of the fact that he was just as unarmed. The impulses he had no intention of following hang in the air as inescapable as the steam.

Katsura went on, more slowly, "I don't know what Nobunobu Hitotsubashi used to be like in the past. Nor can I claim to understand how the Tendoshu think. But… Being expedient, being pragmatic, choosing an unexpected move to destabilize and outmanoeuvre your opponents… even if it goes against your principles. I can't claim to never have done that."

It was Hijikata's turn to go, "Hn." He still wasn't all that sure what Katsura's principles were in detail, but there was no denying he could be ruthless.

"Do you know what Gintoki once told me?" said Katsura, looking over at Hijikata for the first time in the sauna. "After we had been betrayed by an old comrade. I told him not to ever change, because it would take too much effort to kill him."

Hijikata let out an involuntary chuckle. "So it would," he said.

Katsura smiled. "He told me that 'if you ever change, I'll be the first to cut you down'," he quoted, mimicking Gintoki's way of speaking. Then his smile faded, and he put the wet cloth back on his face.

"Ah," said Hijikata eloquently. He rubbed at a crick in his neck.

"It is... reassuring... to have that kind of safety mechanism in place," mumbled Katsura, voice so low that the merest noise right then would have drowned him out.

"You counting on him to honour that promise?" asked Hijikata, keeping his tone even. "Should he ever need to."

"I do," said Katsura, voice still low, but more intense. "I have to." After a brief silent moment, Katsura smoothed down his towel and took a deep breath of the warm air. "I feel that you, who put your faith in the honour and benevolence of one man, should be able to understand that."

Hijikata leaned back, looking out at the steam, at nothing; breathing in the heat like it was the air of the city itself. "Never said I didn't," he said quietly.


End file.
